VN Ren'Py Abandoned Family by Fate [v0.3] [MacroxssZ]

[Deleted member 2309595]

I'm a fan of shipping early to get feedback (after my first demo bombed, I quickly produced a second).

But that being said, since it is an "early demo," you should also be clear about what's there - and not there. Tags that aren't (yet) in a game lead to disappointment, as I've noticed, it's safer to stick to tags that are *in* the game, and then update as you release changes.

Custom models are a little rough but if I may suggest, the "show us your daz skill thread," here has a *ton* of solid art, and you'll get a lot of feedback on your models / renders (good / bad / other). If & when you revise them, I'd suggest you post the models there to get a sense of people's taste.

Other stuff: include word count, include render count, be clear about animation / no animation, and give people an expectation for how much play time there is within the first version. Good luck!

thanks a lot, ill keep all that in mind, thank you for your feedback this is my first game and I'm learning the tools as I go but will work hard for it to make it better.

 

[dawsonicus2020]

Models are hit or miss for me,

Spoiler: but this one in particular is especially unsettling.

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Spoiler: Reminds me of

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HAHAHAHA

 

[Deleted member 2309595]

Good start. I won't harp on the models or the grammar as its been mentioned before, especially since you've already stated you are still learning all the tools. Couple suggestions though. Have someone read through the script to see if it flows well without the renders. If someone can follow the story without the renders, it will allow the renders to better support the story and help flesh out and address story/grammar issues. Also, be careful of perspective. The last renders with the MC's nieces and sister-in-law make them all look like tiny gnomes because the camera angle over the MC's shoulder and their sizing.

Keep playing around with story, character models, and setting up the scenes. Nice work for a prologue and first attempt.

THANK YOU!

 

[Kazukitc]

Wow another loli game

 

[cj42]

Looking forward for more in Android

 

[juan palote]

Its nice as a proof of concept.

I recommend using "Future Tags" or "Planned Tags" to let the players know what to expect

As other people told you, models and english need some work (although i have seen worse english). Nothing much happened in the story yet, i think your nieces act too horny for someone they have never met though

 

[Deleted member 2309595]

Not bad but as already been said models need a revamp. The English does need correcting. The story is the weakest part. It stinks frankly. The pic of the house is weird; a wooden shack next door to a Victorian terrace? This guy is meant to be rich?
Cant see this one leaving the ground honestly. Good luck.

thank you for your feedback it definitely needs work but it's my first game and I'm learning I will work on everything it needs to be done ^_^

 

[originalspam]

Not a bad start, story isn't the usual son needs to sleep with mom or the world's going to end, the models could be better, but I honestly didn't see anything that was all that bad. I think it's a great start. The game, and the creator's skills, will improve over time (hopefully) and the story has a lot of directions it can go.

Cheers!

 

[hunt005]

Pre-teen content

 

[punisher2099]

So is this going to focus on the actual family or will there be an endless string of side characters to wade through?

 

[Aristos]

Pre-teen content

Yeah.
Those little girls are no lolis. This game is downright pedo.

 

[locomotor79]

are the younger girls also still virgins yes or no.
iff yes tag needs to be added

 

[Deleted member 1399911]

are the younger girls also still virgins yes or no.
iff yes tag needs to be added

Yea.. That would be a good thing to know..

 

[Deleted member 2412505]

I'm particularly not a fan of loli and try to avoid this content. But Harem has me intrigued. Is loli avoidable?

 

[tigerdiamond]

Models are hit or miss for me,

Spoiler: but this one in particular is especially unsettling.

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Spoiler: Reminds me of

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I think it's cause she's crosseyed/making a face in that one. In the shot where she's jumping (2nd preview) she looks fine (at least to me)

 

[xmilteach]

thx

 

[Richard Perkins]

I'm particularly not a fan of loli and try to avoid this content. But Harem has me intrigued. Is loli avoidable?

Well than you better stay away, unless he/she puts a patch in that disable/enable lolis

 

[juan palote]

I'm particularly not a fan of loli and try to avoid this content. But Harem has me intrigued. Is loli avoidable?

For now, there isnt any loli content, so we dont know if it will be avoidable

 

[tigerdiamond]

Yeah.
Those little girls are no lolis. This game is downright pedo.

 

[MayJames]

visuals need improvement. storyline an tags are promising