tanstaafl
Engaged Member
- Oct 29, 2018
- 2,263
- 2,864
- 311
Not at all, I treat it as it was meant to be treated. An open relationship with no consequences for actions that fall within the rules. You're so hung up on how you would react that you're ignoring that people are different. People are different, you're what? Maybe 5? Maybe 10 years older than me? That means nothing, we're both ancient compared to most of the people we talk to here. lol.They do, it is just for some reason you have a blind spot when applying it to the Alice situation. You treat that as just a fling from her with no consequences, while she has introduced a Trojan horse to their relationship that can not be integrated into her existing relationship and means she will have to split her limited time and energy up between her two relations and all other obligations she has, where they both have opposing goals and needs due to fact that other partner wants nothing to do with MC. Leading to unhappy feelings in those relations and stress on both Alice who will be in the middle and those two partners themselves. That will lead to rising tensions, not being there when one of the two needs her, jealousy of with whom and how she spends holidays and vacations and other time with and so on. Been there, done that from both sides and it does not work even in situations the other emotional important person was not a romantic partner.
Both will want and need her attention at specific times and sometimes those moments will be at the exact same time and she has only so much time to give and can not split herself in two, unless you can bring them together and preferably even like to spend time together without Alice even if not sexually. As it has been setup though that never works over a longer time. It is the fantasy of eating your cake and have it, this time from a female perspective though.
Here's an anecdotal story for you. A friend of mine had an open marriage that lasted for 15 years. For the last few years it was just his wife and one other gal. The girls had no relationship at first. It wasn't until they all started getting together that the marriage fell apart. It's actually very similar to the Alice ending, except the my friend would have been in Alice's role. It was when they did exactly what you're arguing should have happened from the beginning that it fell apart.
Everything you are saying is absolutely true...for you and maybe for people you know. But, unless you can admit to yourself that everyone is different, every relationship is different, and that there is no "right way", then you're just arguing up a tree pointlessly.