VN Ren'Py Going for Goal [v0.10] [DarkSkello]

[motseer]

First, let me say I truly mean this as a constructive criticism. Second, I have to say the whole deal with MC owing a years wages back to the club he was playing for because the "guardian" who signed the contract was not his real mom is absurd. Sorry, there's just not a nice way to say that. No court in USA, Canada or Europe would rule that way. Hehe, maybe not even China. Honestly this whole premise was almost enough to make me not continue; especially, with the assistant manager relationship/explanation jumble added on top. It got very confusing and hard to believe. I agree with the earlier comment about fixing the assistant manger part: simulacrum29 comment and, if you need them to be in debt just make a reason and don't pay him so much for the first year of "youth football" and they can still be in debt.

Sooo... I just noticed...

Victor


Arnie

 

[TONYNICHOLAS]

ANIMATIONS?

 

[katzenstreu]

clicked because of the incest tag and deleted because the family is fake.
sorry but this is just a waste of time for people who searching for specific tags.

 

[Old Grumpy Wolf]

clicked because of the incest tag and deleted because the family is fake.
sorry but this is just a waste of time for people who searching for specific tags.

For closed minded individuals. But, IF you knew HOW to read past comments, you'd KNOW that the REAL sister AND mom ARE in the game. So, bye-bye. Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

 

[katzenstreu]

For closed minded individuals. But, IF you knew HOW to read past comments, you'd KNOW that the REAL sister AND mom ARE in the game. So, bye-bye. Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

when i start a new novel i dont read discussions because of spoilers.

 

[Old Grumpy Wolf]

when i start a new novel i dont read discussions because of spoilers.

Well, before I play a game, I read. Just in case. I also ask questions. Nothing worse than seeing tags, liking them and then play, only to get bitch slapped with something that I don't want. I learned that the hard way.

 

[Salek]

You know shit ist going to happen wenn Arnie..pardon Victor is suddenly visit you.

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I like your game so far.
Only the beginning is a bit confusing. And you might want to rethink the reason for the debt.

Furthermore you should maybe accept the offer of CamaroFan432.

Considering you have some characters speaking German, you're from Germany? If so, give me a pm, I'm willing to help you with some minor translations, being from Germany myself.

Because your German is more funny than correct.
(Well, with me it's the other way around. My english is more funny than correct.)


Or you can make it very simple and say that
everything that has a green font color is spoken in German.

I wish you good luck and look forward to the next update.

 

[BTLD]

You know shit ist going to happen wenn Arnie..pardon Victor is suddenly visit you.

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I like your game so far.
Only the beginning is a bit confusing. And you might want to rethink the reason for the debt.

Furthermore you should maybe accept the offer of CamaroFan432.



Because your German is more funny than correct.
(Well, with me it's the other way around. My english is more funny than correct.)


Or you can make it very simple and say that
everything that has a green font color is spoken in German.

I wish you good luck and look forward to the next update.

you noticed Vic .. but didn't noticed who is behind him?

 

[motseer]

you noticed Vic .. but didn't noticed who is behind him?

I noticed him but, for the life of me, I can't think who that actor is?

 

[Salek]

you noticed Vic .. but didn't noticed who is behind him?

Of course. I just didn't mention them.

 

[Simulacrum29]

nice to see that you did the changes i proposed in the first chapter.

In the new third chapter, Johannas english and german both are terrible, she is 18 and visited probably one of the best schools germany has to offer so her english shouldnt be that bad even if its just to play with the funny german accent trope. its realy hard to read like that. Some phrases (most?) were probably translated with google, because the translation didnt make any sense.

The family is speaking all formal with each other like they are business partners that meet the first time

liked the terminator jokes

and you should really cut out the obsolet end of version points, for v1 and v2

there are some people that can help you, like Salek who volunteered already, or use other translation tools like Deepl, or LanguageTool for better results.

 

[motseer]

Of course. I just didn't mention them.

View attachment 2534276

I still can't think who that actor is... it's driving me buggy... help!

 

[Old Grumpy Wolf]

I still can't think who that actor is... it's driving me buggy... help!

Danny Trejo.

 

[motseer]

Danny Trejo.

Thanks. He was one of the best bad guys of all time. hehe Just couldn't get the name to pop out my foggy brain.

 

[Old Grumpy Wolf]

Thanks. He was one of the best bad guys of all time. hehe Just couldn't get the name to pop out my foggy brain.

Bad guy? He hasn't really played a bad guy since Los Locos(Maybe? It's been too long to remember right). He's been more of an anti-hero since then. Maybe his parts in the From Dusk Till Dawn movies painted him a bit like a bad guy though. Before he became famous he played several prisoner/ex-con/gang banger parts, so, maybe people still view him that way.

 

[motseer]

Bad guy? He hasn't really played a bad guy since Los Locos(Maybe? It's been too long to remember right). He's been more of an anti-hero since then. Maybe his parts in the From Dusk Till Dawn movies painted him a bit like a bad guy though. Before he became famous he played several prisoner/ex-con/gang banger parts, so, maybe people still view him that way.

I'm OLD so, yeah, my memory of his work goes pretty far back. Although, right after I posted that I was thinking something along the lines of the point you made. Anyway, it was cool to see him in a cameo here and as a sort of exclamation point to Arn... I mean Vic.

 

[Old Grumpy Wolf]

I'm OLD so, yeah, my memory of his work goes pretty far back. Although, right after I posted that I was thinking something along the lines of the point you made. Anyway, it was cool to see him in a cameo here and as a sort of exclamation point to Arn... I mean Vic.

I'm also old. There's another actor who started out the same way as Danny. Noel Gugliemi. I like both actors.

 

[motseer]

I'm also old. There's another actor who started out the same way as Danny. Noel Gugliemi. I like both actors.

Yeah, I remember him mostly because of his RL story... homeless to convict to actor and motivational speaker. He was in one of the Fast and Furious movies and Training Day I think. Again, thanks for the heads up on Trejo. Should prolly stop here before getting far off topic.

 

[darkskello]

I will also add that Vic's name came from The character Victor Mannheim in Escape plan. I always wanted a grandparent figure in this. I stumbled across the asset before I started development on the game and remembered I had it when going through what I had when designing characters for this.

 

[motseer]

I will also add that Vic's name came from The character Victor Mannheim in Escape plan. I always wanted a grandparent figure in this. I stumbled across the asset before I started development on the game and remembered I had it when going through what I had when designing characters for this.

Well, all of this makes for an interesting character. So far, he seems a bit enigmatic - maybe even a little sinister in a jovial sorta way. Hmmm... just read what I wrote... hehe... Anyway, I'm enjoying the story so far and looking forward to more.