Characters:
In some cases, there is a disconnect between the audience and the characters true personalities. This comes from me throwing you into the story half way through. MC's relationship with Lucy is several months old and has reached a breaking point where Player and Lucy don't want the same thing and it's tearing them apart. The Mother isn't a bad person, nor is she harsh with Katelyn. She is punishing her for masturbating, because Katelyn is a guest in her house who shouldn't be doing such things in her eyes. There are three reasons the mother doesn't want Katelyn and Player together. Firstly, the same reason as her not wanting Katelyn masturbating. Secondly, Player already has a girlfriend and she wants it to work, which it won't it Katelyn and Player are fucking. Thirdly, she doesn't want her son getting hurt. If he gets into a relationship with a girl who will be moving to a different country in two months, he will get hurt.
I aim to fix this with the addition of a Chapter 0, which I am currently creating. It goes back two months to when Player and Lucy were first dating, and when Katelyn first arrived. It shows the characters at their best, before you then see them at their worst in chapter 1.
Father:
He's a dick, and he doesn't want Katelyn there. He isn't involved in the story going forward because Player avoids him as much as possible.
Story Speed:
How does the story move too quickly? The first two chapters take place over the course of several days. You go from not kissing Katelyn, to kissing her. I moved faster than that when I was 8. On the other side of the story, Lucy's side, the story hasn't progressed. Player goes from being her frustrated boyfriend, to being her frustrated boyfriend, who potentially came on her face.
Models:
As for the age thing, they look how they look.
This is a DAZ game, of course they're not going to be unique. There is a very limited supply of models and most of them are shit. I apologise, but to criticise a DAZ game for this is stupid.
Notes:
I don't understand how telling someone not to masturbate and to do the laundry as punishment for breaking the rules is treating them like shit. Maybe I live in a bubble where doing laundry is a difficult and mentally scarring task.
You say you can already predict what's going to happen. I can predict the lottery numbers for this weekend too, doesn't mean I'm correct until it happens.
It's obvious, as you are the Developer, that you have a unique perspective on what is happening, what has happened, and what will happen... But as a reader/player, who is not privy to all the nuances, as I went through this VN/Game for the 2 times I went through it, 1st when it was just Chapter 1 and then again, after Chapter 2 was released... I don't see all these details you mention... The story telling needs to relay/portray all the information, based on how you write it and present it... All I got from the VN after playing it twice, was how quickly the pacing moves from one event to another... Sure there is story, but it doesn't say much before moving on to the next scene/event... This in turn feels like the story is rushed sometimes... And honestly, based on the story as it is currently presented, I don't see all those same feelings and story elements you claim are there, some I do, but not all... I'm sorry, but I don't...
With regards to the mother, I understood that she was initially using laundry as a punishment, but based on how often she inflicts that punishment, and how quickly (and aggressively) she seems to push the girl to go do it, every time the protagonist is seen with her, gives the impression that the mother doesn't like her or want her to be with or near the protagonist... That is the only real detailed aspect of the mother, that we are really ever presented with... Which in turn makes her look like she doesn't want the girl to be around her son, and how she deals with it is continuously sending her off to do the laundry, and yet is ok with her son having a girlfriend in general... I know it's hard for you to see it in the same way an outsider would see it, being the one who has all the knowledge and wrote the story... But I wasn't just making up what I said with regards to the impressions I was left with...
Same goes for much of the other things I mention in my review... The VN/Game is not lengthy, and yet has quite a lot of erotic content already, for it being so short... So when I say it feels like a pornography festival, that is because it feels as though the story rushes (at various speeds) from one erotic scene to another, with some but much meaningful or deep story between events... That might have been your intention all along for all I know, and that is not necessarily a bad thing for some readers or players... But my review was about my personal experience and opinion, not what it might be for other people...
If you read a majority of my reviews, I always state the fact on whether or not Character Models are ones I've seen before or not... Because seeing the same models over and over again, becomes boring for some folks, myself included... It's always nice to see mostly unique things from product to product... It shows that a developer and/or artist put more time and effort into the visuals, beyond just a cookie cutter character model, that dozens of other developers also used... I never said having the same models in your product, that I've seen in other products, was bad, it's just a Factual statement, that I've seen the models before with very little in the way of customization applied to it... That is all... As to my comment how the age of the characters doesn't seem to be fully in line with the visuals, again, it is just a statement of fact... If that is what you chose to go with, then it is what it is... You could have gone with more visually matching character models that fit better with the actual age of the characters, but you didn't and it's your baby to do with what you will... That doesn't invalidate my statement...
I can sense that you are becoming very protective (and are very sensitive) in how you are taking my review and other peoples opinions/statements... It can be hard sometimes to deal with outside opinion, especially when you feel you're placing a lot of effort and time and resources into making, what you hope, is a great product... But as it is a product, that is being presented to the public, you have to expect some opinions and experiences that are not always going to be positive and pleasant to read or hear... It's like a mother/father and her/his child... So I can completely empathize with your initial reactions... But you also need to learn to take it with a grain of salt... Take out of it what you can, those things that may help you grow as a developer... By battling every opinion you don't agree with, it doesn't come across as a good thing...
I didn't hate the VN/Game, otherwise it would have been a 1 star rating, and I would probably of been much more critical in my review...
Zip
