- Dec 23, 2019
- 1,243
- 845
The art is great, along with some decent animation to follow it along, although I am guessing the dialog WAS written by an adult, yet in some areas reads like it was produced by a teen, and a YOUNG teen at that!
HOW many "YOU KNOW"s can there be?
He looked at her YOU KNOW< that was a YOU KNOW, there is a YOU KNOW, Im sorry it was my YOU KNOW??
WHY can't the dialog read a decade or two more mature, you can show a woman deepthroat a dick but RIGHT AFTER you can't have the retarded MC say what it is, or what SHE has, OR deliver a line without studdering so imbecilic, he stutters almost EVERY sentence and several times IN each one, also...WHAT adult refers to being tired as "Sleepy", am I going to read how he got a "BooBoo on his Peepee" next?
I am reading his dialog like he is literally RAINMAN~!
"She..she...she touched my YOU KNOW, and now, and now.....and NOW I am SLEEPY eh eh heh heh heh"
We don't see him walking but I picture him dragging a club foot, heavily drooling, and trying to bite his own ear OR when I read dialog like this.
This is a complete project so there is no changing anything here, BUT it would be a VERY wise idea to alter this sort of dialog in future projects, to avoid having the MC appear to have been dropped on his head...repeatedly.
I was laughing through most of this post, partially from remembering the ridiculous dialog, and the rest from reading what I just typed LMAO!
"Butt" those are just MY opinions.
Edit: LMAO just as soon as I get back into the story I had to give someone a night visit, turns out it was two ADULT girls talking like they were children again, because of a game they used to play, NOPE dont make it more mature, just THINK as if you were a little girl OR following suit with some of the MCs dialog being retarded
"Mr Mowo close your eyes and I will...PAY YOU A VISIT!" (GASP I know right...how SCANDALOUS! oh but wait, she can do BETTER)
"Mr Mowo close your eyes and I will...pay you a visit and...PULL DOWN THE BLANKETS!=!" (Alright thats just going TOO far now, close your EYES children this sort of dialog is NOT for you!)!)
Sigh...her adult...mature reply was..."WELL if you think you can top THAT...put your money where your mouth is?"
HOW many "YOU KNOW"s can there be?
He looked at her YOU KNOW< that was a YOU KNOW, there is a YOU KNOW, Im sorry it was my YOU KNOW??
WHY can't the dialog read a decade or two more mature, you can show a woman deepthroat a dick but RIGHT AFTER you can't have the retarded MC say what it is, or what SHE has, OR deliver a line without studdering so imbecilic, he stutters almost EVERY sentence and several times IN each one, also...WHAT adult refers to being tired as "Sleepy", am I going to read how he got a "BooBoo on his Peepee" next?
I am reading his dialog like he is literally RAINMAN~!
"She..she...she touched my YOU KNOW, and now, and now.....and NOW I am SLEEPY eh eh heh heh heh"
We don't see him walking but I picture him dragging a club foot, heavily drooling, and trying to bite his own ear OR when I read dialog like this.
This is a complete project so there is no changing anything here, BUT it would be a VERY wise idea to alter this sort of dialog in future projects, to avoid having the MC appear to have been dropped on his head...repeatedly.
I was laughing through most of this post, partially from remembering the ridiculous dialog, and the rest from reading what I just typed LMAO!
"Butt" those are just MY opinions.
Edit: LMAO just as soon as I get back into the story I had to give someone a night visit, turns out it was two ADULT girls talking like they were children again, because of a game they used to play, NOPE dont make it more mature, just THINK as if you were a little girl OR following suit with some of the MCs dialog being retarded
"Mr Mowo close your eyes and I will...PAY YOU A VISIT!" (GASP I know right...how SCANDALOUS! oh but wait, she can do BETTER)
"Mr Mowo close your eyes and I will...pay you a visit and...PULL DOWN THE BLANKETS!=!" (Alright thats just going TOO far now, close your EYES children this sort of dialog is NOT for you!)!)
Sigh...her adult...mature reply was..."WELL if you think you can top THAT...put your money where your mouth is?"
Last edited: