Personally, while I can see the different inputs, it doesn't utterly break the flow for me. I am enjoying what you've put together so far. There are, however, parts which don't quite fit right for me but I'm rather picky in some areas. The older characters feel over exaggerated at times (from the perspective of someone pushing 50) as our behaviour can vary a lot as we age but generally becomes more polished rather than crass. We're more used to it, it's a familiar thing and we've learnt to be a touch more delicate while remaining blunt. That may, admittedly, be a purely cultural thing. I'm English, we're twisted as sin but it's not a topic for polite conversation.
I can run through again but take notes if you want the feedback? If it helps I'm a firm believer in constructive criticism, can pick out specific dialogues that *feel* off and try to explain why. It would be an "again" thing as I may already have mentioned that I like what you've created. I want to see where it goes, am not in a situation to support *anyone* financially as I'm already in a ropey situation (and not the fun kind) but what I do have is time.
