- May 15, 2019
- 1,725
- 8,214
It's in this last update 0.3. There's an option to cum inside, which increases future pregnancy chance =]
- Oct 2, 2018
- 173
- 448
- May 15, 2019
- 1,725
- 8,214
- Mar 14, 2019
- 230
- 536
Holy shit, pretty soon people will start tagging "pregnancy", even if the MC just thinks about fucking somebody.
Yeah will kep this watched and see were it goes i don't mind if people tag it something to early before there is somethigng in i hate it more when it only is in in a ending pic so all you see is a pic after the end like a few years later we got pregnant...
- Jun 16, 2018
- 782
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- Dec 26, 2017
- 756
- 2,365
Finally got a chance to play this and I'm really impressed. The writing is top notch and the characters are fantastic. And it's nice to play as a mature aged MC as opposed to the endless horny teenager/harem games that abound on this site. Looking forward to the addition of animations, icing on the cake really.
Good job!
Good job!
- May 15, 2019
- 1,725
- 8,214
The test came back negativeSuperWriter is preggers???
Wow, thanks for all the kind words and I'm really glad you enjoyed it =]
I got plenty more coming for you
- Feb 7, 2019
- 15
- 144
Played the demo a while ago, made sure to keep watch of this game, and recently came back to try version 0.3.
I didn't finish playing through 0.3 because I couldn't stand the writing, and here's why: The characters don't talk anything like people.
First of all, there's a significant difference between characters in a work of fiction not talking exactly like human beings because they're in a work of fiction and them not talking like human beings because of poor writing.
We don't criticize films or visual novels because characters can hold a conversation without any "umm"s because usually dialogue doesn't benefit from that level of fidelity to real life. We do (and should) criticize writing where characters blatantly state plot points or feelings in a way that feels nearer to narration than dialogue between characters, which is what I feel PP's main flaw is at this point.
For the sake of constructive criticism, I'll give an example. When the MC has Sabrina show up and surprise him, she says, "I know that I'm only your daughter's friend, but I've grown to care about you in all these years. You've been so charitable to myself and my family." This dialogue suffers for a couple reasons. Firstly, it's pretty redundant because Sabrina and her relationship with the MC/Miracle has been mentioned previously. (I'll mention that it does not feel out of place there because the MC's inner thoughts are as close as we get to narration, which is basically what this line is). Secondly, and more importantly, she's simply stating her history and relationship with the MC. This suffers supremely from telling the audience instead of showing them. (For those not familiar, there is the saying "Show, don't tell" that is given as advice for creating a narrative. A character shown toughing out a rough situation is more impactful to a narrative than having someone else say that the character is tough). If we were to apply this to my particular example from PP, maybe earlier in the story Sabrina shows up at the home and we get to see her hang out with Miracle, and maybe she asks the MC for some help with something and we get to see how she cares and how MC treats her. I don't know what the specifics would be, but showing her friendship with Miracle and her relationship with the MC at that point would work wonders compared to her just saying it like a narrative robot when she shows up.
Smaller critiques:
-References to popular culture are fine, but just don't go to crazy with them. Any references should feel like they're coming from the characters, not the writer.
-People constantly bickering and teasing isn't a sign of their closeness. Especially when there's a power dynamic (landlord-tenant). To show how well people get along through conversation, give them something that makes it hard for them to communicate perfectly (like differences in age, interests, goals oops you already have that ) and then show how they work to communicate through those differences; how they work to find common ground and have genuine conversations. Two people calling each other assholes and then both laughing about it is how 13 year-old boys connect, not most people.
-Please for the love of god don't break the 4th wall. I swear every single game on here does it, and does it in exactly the same way. It's not cute or funny it's overdone please if you want to stand out just don't break the fourth wall pllease I'm beGGING
I say this because the premise feels relatively fresh and original, the renders are fantastic (Sasha's my fave girl <3), and there's great potential here. I realize I'm probably in the minority here, by holding an erotic visual novel to such high standards. The majority of people are happy with half-decent writing and good renders/H-scenes. I also realize that game development is hard, time consuming work and writing is only one part of it. I want the game to continue to improve as it has since the demo. This game could really stand out, and in a time where anyone with renpy seems to throw a game together, that's saying something... but if the dialogue is constantly throwing the reader out of the story I don't think that will happen.
I didn't finish playing through 0.3 because I couldn't stand the writing, and here's why: The characters don't talk anything like people.
First of all, there's a significant difference between characters in a work of fiction not talking exactly like human beings because they're in a work of fiction and them not talking like human beings because of poor writing.
We don't criticize films or visual novels because characters can hold a conversation without any "umm"s because usually dialogue doesn't benefit from that level of fidelity to real life. We do (and should) criticize writing where characters blatantly state plot points or feelings in a way that feels nearer to narration than dialogue between characters, which is what I feel PP's main flaw is at this point.
For the sake of constructive criticism, I'll give an example. When the MC has Sabrina show up and surprise him, she says, "I know that I'm only your daughter's friend, but I've grown to care about you in all these years. You've been so charitable to myself and my family." This dialogue suffers for a couple reasons. Firstly, it's pretty redundant because Sabrina and her relationship with the MC/Miracle has been mentioned previously. (I'll mention that it does not feel out of place there because the MC's inner thoughts are as close as we get to narration, which is basically what this line is). Secondly, and more importantly, she's simply stating her history and relationship with the MC. This suffers supremely from telling the audience instead of showing them. (For those not familiar, there is the saying "Show, don't tell" that is given as advice for creating a narrative. A character shown toughing out a rough situation is more impactful to a narrative than having someone else say that the character is tough). If we were to apply this to my particular example from PP, maybe earlier in the story Sabrina shows up at the home and we get to see her hang out with Miracle, and maybe she asks the MC for some help with something and we get to see how she cares and how MC treats her. I don't know what the specifics would be, but showing her friendship with Miracle and her relationship with the MC at that point would work wonders compared to her just saying it like a narrative robot when she shows up.
Smaller critiques:
-References to popular culture are fine, but just don't go to crazy with them. Any references should feel like they're coming from the characters, not the writer.
-People constantly bickering and teasing isn't a sign of their closeness. Especially when there's a power dynamic (landlord-tenant). To show how well people get along through conversation, give them something that makes it hard for them to communicate perfectly (like differences in age, interests, goals oops you already have that
) and then show how they work to communicate through those differences; how they work to find common ground and have genuine conversations. Two people calling each other assholes and then both laughing about it is how 13 year-old boys connect, not most people.-Please for the love of god don't break the 4th wall. I swear every single game on here does it, and does it in exactly the same way. It's not cute or funny it's overdone please if you want to stand out just don't break the fourth wall pllease I'm beGGING
I say this because the premise feels relatively fresh and original, the renders are fantastic (Sasha's my fave girl <3), and there's great potential here. I realize I'm probably in the minority here, by holding an erotic visual novel to such high standards. The majority of people are happy with half-decent writing and good renders/H-scenes. I also realize that game development is hard, time consuming work and writing is only one part of it. I want the game to continue to improve as it has since the demo. This game could really stand out, and in a time where anyone with renpy seems to throw a game together, that's saying something... but if the dialogue is constantly throwing the reader out of the story I don't think that will happen.
- May 15, 2019
- 1,725
- 8,214
Thanks for giving the game a try and I really appreciate your comments. I'll respond to your feedback about the writing since that's the most important critique, especially since you stopped playing because you couldn't stand it. I think one of the things people like about this game is the dialogue, which I personally feel is realistic and displays their personalities well. The bit about showing and telling is true; you should always try to show through action, instead of just telling, but I think a line or two is ok, and sometimes telling is more effective than waiting much later to show something, so it can be used as a cheat. And I do show how the characters interact with each other, displaying the closeness of their relationships.Played the demo a while ago, made sure to keep watch of this game, and recently came back to try version 0.3.
I didn't finish playing through 0.3 because I couldn't stand the writing, and here's why: The characters don't talk anything like people.
First of all, there's a significant difference between characters in a work of fiction not talking exactly like human beings because they're in a work of fiction and them not talking like human beings because of poor writing.
We don't criticize films or visual novels because characters can hold a conversation without any "umm"s because usually dialogue doesn't benefit from that level of fidelity to real life. We do (and should) criticize writing where characters blatantly state plot points or feelings in a way that feels nearer to narration than dialogue between characters, which is what I feel PP's main flaw is at this point.
For the sake of constructive criticism, I'll give an example. When the MC has Sabrina show up and surprise him, she says, "I know that I'm only your daughter's friend, but I've grown to care about you in all these years. You've been so charitable to myself and my family." This dialogue suffers for a couple reasons. Firstly, it's pretty redundant because Sabrina and her relationship with the MC/Miracle has been mentioned previously. (I'll mention that it does not feel out of place there because the MC's inner thoughts are as close as we get to narration, which is basically what this line is). Secondly, and more importantly, she's simply stating her history and relationship with the MC. This suffers supremely from telling the audience instead of showing them. (For those not familiar, there is the saying "Show, don't tell" that is given as advice for creating a narrative. A character shown toughing out a rough situation is more impactful to a narrative than having someone else say that the character is tough). If we were to apply this to my particular example from PP, maybe earlier in the story Sabrina shows up at the home and we get to see her hang out with Miracle, and maybe she asks the MC for some help with something and we get to see how she cares and how MC treats her. I don't know what the specifics would be, but showing her friendship with Miracle and her relationship with the MC at that point would work wonders compared to her just saying it like a narrative robot when she shows up.
Smaller critiques:
-References to popular culture are fine, but just don't go to crazy with them. Any references should feel like they're coming from the characters, not the writer.
-People constantly bickering and teasing isn't a sign of their closeness. Especially when there's a power dynamic (landlord-tenant). To show how well people get along through conversation, give them something that makes it hard for them to communicate perfectly (like differences in age, interests, goals oops you already have that
-Please for the love of god don't break the 4th wall. I swear every single game on here does it, and does it in exactly the same way. It's not cute or funny it's overdone please if you want to stand out just don't break the fourth wall pllease I'm beGGING
I say this because the premise feels relatively fresh and original, the renders are fantastic (Sasha's my fave girl <3), and there's great potential here. I realize I'm probably in the minority here, by holding an erotic visual novel to such high standards. The majority of people are happy with half-decent writing and good renders/H-scenes. I also realize that game development is hard, time consuming work and writing is only one part of it. I want the game to continue to improve as it has since the demo. This game could really stand out, and in a time where anyone with renpy seems to throw a game together, that's saying something... but if the dialogue is constantly throwing the reader out of the story I don't think that will happen.
I really thought about your comments before responding and I don't plan to make any changes to the writing. But thanks again for the feedback =]
- Oct 15, 2018
- 2,589
- 7,613
Glad I finally got around to trying this one SuperWriter . Good stuff, keep it coming. Patreon +1 and hope we can get you to animations sooner than later.
- May 15, 2019
- 1,725
- 8,214
Ha, as long as I keep getting support from awesome people like you then it'll definitely be sooner than later! Thank you
- Aug 30, 2016
- 1,548
- 1,748
- May 15, 2019
- 1,725
- 8,214
Hahaha, have funanother game with customized titles, time to be an overlord with 3 cute minions who call me master!
- Aug 30, 2016
- 1,548
- 1,748
- May 15, 2019
- 1,725
- 8,214
Soon enough =] Thank you for playing
Plus if you're into incest, the older you get the more you get into F/D stuff, instead of B/S and M/S scenes. This is one of the few F/D games in which the daughter(s) don't look terrible. I only wish the youngest wasn't a walking stereotype. Oh well, there's still 2 interesting ones.
- Nov 1, 2018
- 365
- 285
I really enjoyed this one, but there was misspellings and even some sentences that were not fineshed. i'm really looking forward for more though.
- May 15, 2019
- 1,725
- 8,214