This is a good start.
I like the characters, though I feel it could have used with a bit of a slower burn. The story concept is interesting, and I find myself curiously wanting more. (In fact I even clicked the "I want more" option on the end screen.)
Overall as far as the renders go, I am a bit old school in my preferences. I think it could do without having the skewed camera angles. I found myself tilting my head to the side in an effort to straighten the image out. If you do decide to keep the angled shots like this, might I recommend toning it down a bit. I feel like it was a pretty heavy distraction that detracted from the story. So maybe not the 45 degree angle, maybe try a 25 degree tilt or something like that.
As far as the size goes, with the renders being in 4K (My monitor can't display at that level
) I would recommend only keeping the image files that are necessary for the game to run in the package. When I unzipped the archive I found a whole group of images that never appeared in the story. I am unsure if this is part of that scene you've decided to nix or not, but leaving the images in like that just bloated the download a bit. And it would certainly be something to keep in mind as you continue your development process.
Otherwise I think this a wonderful start. And I am excited to see how this continues! Keep up the good work.