VN Ren'Py WVM [S2 Ch. 1 Ep. 13 B3] [Braindrop]

[GingerbreadMan]

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Brain Vomit
Sup guys.
I just felt like typing some shit out. I know I said the next thoughts post would be on the 2nd but I'm feeling a certain type of way and I just know what I have to do even if you guys won't like it.

It's no secret that shit has been fucked for a while.
It all starts and stops with me, and I've been on quite the self destructive journey lately.
Things kept clashing together in the worst ways at the worst times and I let myself slowly fall into this mental block.
I can't describe the mental side of this shit. All I can say is that putting the actual update out is simultaneously something that I know has to be done and I want to do, and is also something that I dread having to do.
The pressure, the expectations, the finality of it all.
It's all self imposed issues. I know that, I'm not trying to deny it.

It's almost been a year since the last actual update. A fucking year.
There's so much work done but none of it has been shown and it's the most frustrating thing. I hate this, I hate feeling incapable.
The obvious question is "What's stopping you from releasing it?"
And I don't have a good answer. Anytime I sit down and package it and think about calling it done, I get this deep guttural feeling of dread. I'm so fucking mentally blocked up and I don't know why.
I fucking wish I did.
It's not something I think about once and then put off for a month. It is all day every single day.
But I've been doing everything I can to get away from it. To try and put it off but it's impossible.
My wife mentioned to me about how she thinks I'm worried to call it quits on it because then everything that has happened this year is over. It means I'm over it and it shouldn't.
There's so fucking much that I haven't told you guys about shit that has happened because I hate sounding like a fucking excuse robot. There's been so many times where I've typed out these long rant posts just to ctrl+w at the end. (Don't try that command unless you're tired of reading this btw)
Working on WVM has always been an escape for me... and something about stopping the work that I was doing when all of these things happened feels like I'm closing away that part of my life... I think.
Does it really make sense? No, but it just... it is what it is I don't know what else to say.
I've been stuck and I want out. I need out.
And that brings me to this next part.

I made the DITLO with Harper and I had a fucking blast making it. It was fun to write... hell it was even fun to edit the images (Which is usually the biggest bore for me).
And... it was even fun to release.
Sure, it may not be what you guys really wanted right now. Sure, it may suck that she was censored in it. I get it, but that's not what really matters.
It was the first time in nearly a year that I felt good about releasing something.
Like really good, I feel great right now which is insane.

There's many reasons for that but the important bit for this is that it made me realize what I need to do.
I've asked about it before and you guys overwhelmingly said to hold off and release the update in full all at once.
And I do agree that that way would be the best for the game and the best overall experience... but I can't. Trust me, I want to... but I can't.
The simplest way I can put it is that there's too much instant finality to it. I put a piece of me into every part of this game and I think it makes it a good game but it also makes situations like these... really hard to let go of.
When it's over... life goes back to normal. And that scares the fuck out of me right now.
But it has to be over.

Part of me says that I should just rip the band aid off but I'm legitimately scared of things going poorly and me ending up in an even worst spot.
There's so much emotionally put into this update... it's fucking rough man.

I've always enjoyed small consistent releases... mostly. I get the most short term enjoyment from them but I don't feel like they're what's best for the game in a developmental aspect. And I've become incapable of the consistent part anyway.
So... instead of ripping the band aid off I'm going to slowly peel and chew at the bastard until it's gone.
I'm going to sit down and parse the update out in chunks that make sense to me and I'm going to release those chunks.
I'm going to allow myself to work on some of the scenes again... there are a few that I genuinely think I can improve rather easily and quickly. I'm not going to let myself go into perfectionist mode... and that's not what this has been about. I don't think anyway.

I can do it in chunks... I'm not going to pretend like I won't be stressed or be bogged down by that dread feeling... but I can manage it.
It has to get done.
I really tried to do it the way that most of you wanted it to be... I did.
I still want to do it that way but I simply can't I'm sorry.

I'm going to hold off on the character sheets and bday renders that were planned and focus on getting the update chunked out before releasing those.

And ultimately if you want to wait for all of it to be out then you're free to do so.
I just know that this is the only way for me to get out of this block I'm in right now.
I thought letting enough time pass would let me heal enough but the pressure of the update is really slowing that stuff down.

I do apologize for going this route after asking how you guys wanted it.
It's out of necessity though and I hope you understand.

I'll have info about update sizes and dates soon.
Thanks for caring enough to read my brain vomit.
Love you guys and talk to you soon.

It seems the DITLO release was actually good for BD in the end.

He also decided to not go for those full and lengthy releases that poll had for a result. Instead, he will release the update in small chunks now. So we might see more frequent updates for some time soon.

 

[Ass-a-Lot]

this used to be one of my fave,but now it turns out like scamdrop dropping shittons of useless and stupid updates.

 

[FreshRevenge]

Yeah...
Harper was one of my fav. But after what she told her own daughter .. I'm not sure.
Poor Nat.

Way to ruin a LI.

It's the poor writing. I think whatever Braindrop is going through, it's leaking into his writing. So he need to reevaluate his life and take a break.

I said in a previous post, he needs to take up guitar lessons or go on camping trip with his family or something . Because his head isn't right. Him doing these episodes is not good at all. Because the writing is somewhat terrible.

He is wasting time and resources when he could be working on the main game. But first he needs to back away from it. Maybe take a month or 3 to clear his head. Get some help. Spend some time with his family.

Maybe he should get a job and do this part time. Whatever he thinks he's doing, it's not working.

 

[kameohawk]

It's the poor writing. I think whatever Braindrop is going through, it's leaking into his writing. So he need to reevaluate his life and take a break.

I said in a previous post, he needs to take up guitar lessons or go on camping trip with his family or something . Because his head isn't right. Him doing these episodes is not good at all. Because the writing is somewhat terrible.

He is wasting time and resources when he could be working on the main game. But first he needs to back away from it. Maybe take a month or 3 to clear his head. Get some help. Spend some time with his family.

Maybe he should get a job and do this part time. Whatever he thinks he's doing, it's not working.

The problem is he's in a position where anything he does is unlikely to solve problems.

If he takes a break, as you suggested, is takes up guitar lessons or camping then it's less time on the game and as such longer times between updates, he'll start to bleed subs and eventually it may hit a point where it's not worth while to keep doing it for the returns. Same if he was to get a job and go part time.

Probably the only thing which could help would be to hire someone to take some of the load, but that means less money in his pocket which then makes it run into the issue mentioned above where it becomes less worth while to continue.

The bit about the side project being fun is probably the most worrying thing I took from his post. If you don't like what you're doing and suddenly something else feels better, then you might start to put your attention on that and let this game come to nothing.

 

[Avaron1974]

is there a way to breakup with Jamie?

No and there never will be, she's the main girl.

 

[portiamento]

what is DITLO?

 

[mithroll]

My only issue with this game is that I wish that every character didn't get the same stupid duckface facial expression in every fucking scene, every situation, for every emotion, on every character. Every scene has the characters making the same stupid expression at the camera and it looks so fake it's unnerving.

 

[ViktorStagnetti]

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Hey, if he thinks a steady drip of smaller updates is better for him, I'm all for it. Better something than a continued cycle of nothing.

 

[MrSalem]

Next step : "I need to rework everything from the beginning for my mental health"

 

[dolfe67]

Wow I forgot this game was still a thing

It's the poor writing. I think whatever Braindrop is going through, it's leaking into his writing. So he need to reevaluate his life and take a break.

I said in a previous post, he needs to take up guitar lessons or go on camping trip with his family or something . Because his head isn't right. Him doing these episodes is not good at all. Because the writing is somewhat terrible.

He is wasting time and resources when he could be working on the main game. But first he needs to back away from it. Maybe take a month or 3 to clear his head. Get some help. Spend some time with his family.

Maybe he should get a job and do this part time. Whatever he thinks he's doing, it's not working.

The writing never was good in the first place. So if it's worse now... I won't even bother

 

[Y2k94]

just one question, why the censorship?

 

[ThaRealThiccShady]

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Glad he feels good about this and that it’s helped him get a definite(ish) plan for moving forward but I’m even more worried for dude than before. The writing isn’t up to usual snuff but that scene with Natalie in particular was painful on an existential level-felt unnecessary and hurtful to both Nat and the fan-base.
Again overall glad for my dude and happy for the promise of progress but at the same time wish he could get better help before he lets his issues get worse or bleed even more into the story.

 

[3DReaver]

duno man, if he doesn't want to work on it anymore he is making so much money that he can easily hire someone else to do it for him while he keeps most of the money and he can take time off to do something else. 3500 patreons is a ridiculous amount of money. This is a gotta fuck em all kind of game not a story first game.

 

[Joshua Tree]

duno man, if he doesn't want to work on it anymore he is making so much money that he can easily hire someone else to do it for him while he keeps most of the money and he can take time off to do something else. 3500 patreons is a ridiculous amount of money. This is a gotta fuck em all kind of game not a story first game.

I don't get the mentality of "he can just hire someone". It's the actual creator that make it what it is. He could hire a team of people to carry on, it would still become something and someone else's.

 

[fluffcube]

Just want to point out that making things is very difficult. Making anything is hard. Making a whole game by yourself and feeling pressure from thousands of people can fuck you up in the head. Obviously its not like he's fighting in a fucking war or something, but anyone who has never created anything will probably not understand.

 

[Mayonesa]

So didn't he had already more than 2k renders for the actual update? Why is he thinking now on releasing it in small chunks instead of just releasing all that he got done and then in the next update start doing smaller updates? It makes no sense, he got a lot of work done and will now "sell" it every month for a few months instead of just putting out the whole update he has already done, it's madness.

Having an update now with let's say 500 renders when we all know he has done more than 2k would feel like a huge BS and a slap in the face for every patreon tbh.

 

[M1cha31]

is there a uncensored version or a patch?

 

[Joshua Tree]

No one knows that except for Braindrop himself. But the most creepiest thing he even censored MC's Face and that is really something to worry bout (atleast for me). That part felt much more strange then the Harper Censor thing.

Need to build excitment for the main game you know...

 

[Hellster]

At this point, WVM is just becoming the same meme as so many other games.
Game is great. Well, it was until a year ago. Now it's just kinda...there.
Here it will stay as another developer goes through some existential crisis, while patrons keeps shoveling money their way.
Welcome to Milfy City 2022.

I really hope I'm wrong. We'll see... In a year or so.
At least we kinda got an update...thing.

Personally, with as long as these issues have been going on with the game, and the mental impact it is having on the dev (going by what they said anyway), i would just let the game die and be done with it, rather than drag it out for years and probably never getting out of this "slump".
Just dragging it out is not doing right by the subscribers or themselves.
Sometimes you just have to let things go, i mean let's be honest, the game has been going downhill for a long time anyway.

 

[csmk14]

And his post (repost of BD) some pages back where he talked about "consider" pause the pledges? I somehow doubt your verification

What you believe and what is true are 2 different things. In the time i have been a supporter I have not been charged when he has said pledges were paused. You also might want to read up on the definition of Consider.