Ren'Py Completed 2nd Chance, Text-based [v1.0 Bugfix] [xxerikxx]

[xxerikxx]

xxerikxx

Here are my two scents. I won't say anything about the game not having CGs. Text-base games are... fine... but I hope you manage to find someone to pair up with and make CGs for this or future games. Now, since the game is Text-base, then I can only judge it for the story and I have a huge problem with the story.

It’s my understanding that you were trying to make a decision heavy game. Some decisions change simple text while others change entire paths and story development. You also made the decision of having several MC’s, or at the very least, one MC and several Secondary-MCs. I believe this two ideas are cool and would make for an extremely good game.

That being said….

The story itself can’t make a choice between being linear or branching. While some things do change, it feels like you either end with the same outcome or simple choices have way too much importance. This makes it have the worst aspects of both kind of story developments. Your decisions end up being or way too radical or completely useless. When the decisions are useless it feels like a linear game, were you want to tell me the story and I should just shup up and watch. When the decisions are radical, it feels like a choice shouldn’t have weighted as much as it did, completely eliminating branches out of nowhere.

Here are some examples:

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It feels like, you created a linear story and then decided to add choices on top of it. But since you wanted to follow the linear story, all branches ended up looping around and going back instead of developing more story lines. This is why choices don’t matter and sometimes they feel way too radical as you need to loop around.

Yes, I needed a starting point for season 2

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Make a choice dude. Do you want a linear story or a branching storyline?

It’s a good story overall, you just need to iron out some kinks and make some choices of where you want to go. Keep up the good work and I hope you can make a V2 of this game with CGs or if not, I’ll be waiting for your next one.

When I started writing last year then I just wanted to make a story and at the same time learn a little basic Renpy. I did not expect to ever release it, but hold the options open so in case I found an artist to work with I wrote the story as if I had someone doing the art-work. Some of the choices like picking a dress of course make no sense when there are no pictures. Most of the choices have small impact on the story, like changing a scene or the topic of a conversation. Then we have more radical choices that lead to side-stories or decides who MC's girlfriend will be.

I want the players to stop and think every time there is an option. How would I have handled this situation? Will this choice have a major impact on the story? I know how easy it is to just click your way through a game like this so I kind of hope that the choices will slow the player down a little and make him reflect about the story and choices he makes. (Even those who doesn't change the story.

I have started to write season 2 and its less meaningless options in season 2 and perhaps that is how I should have wrote season 1 as well. The fact that I was planning a season 2 was also a reason why I couldn't let the branching get out of control in the first season. I have added some additional comments under your spoiler buttons.

 

[Ariostebaldo]

Just to be sure...

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I need to know this before I give It a try.

 

[xxerikxx]

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[Ariostebaldo]

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Thank you! Gonna try it now!

 

[Ariostebaldo]

You said it was avoidable, how to avoid it then? I started over three times and couldn't avoid the scene. I'm playing the android version, maybe it's outdated?

 

[xxerikxx]

You said it was avoidable, how to avoid it then? I started over three times and couldn't avoid the scene. I'm playing the android version, maybe it's outdated?

Yes, sorry! The android version is not updated.
I will ask the person that helped me with the last android version if he can make another version.

 

[Wills747]

You said it was avoidable, how to avoid it then? I started over three times and couldn't avoid the scene. I'm playing the android version, maybe it's outdated?

Yes, sorry! The android version is not updated.
I will ask the person that helped me with the last android version if he can make another version.

I updated my original post, Can i suggest appending the version I.E. 1.0 --> 1.01 etc if there are going to be ongoing bugfixes?

 

[xxerikxx]

I updated my original post, Can i suggest appending the version I.E. 1.0 --> 1.01 etc if there are going to be ongoing bugfixes?

Now the Android link in the original post is also be updated. Thank you Wills747!

Android

 

[xxerikxx]

For those who enjoyed season 1 and want to see where the story is going.

I have released the first 5 days of season 2: https://f95zone.to/threads/2nd-chance-season-2-v0-5-xxerikxx.66695/

 

[Kalenz123]

Why is this tagged as completed?

 

[xxerikxx]

Why is this tagged as completed?

Because the season 1 has ended and I don't expect more updates. If I find an artist to work with then we will do a total rewrite of the story and present it as a new release.

 

[Lamoucheronn]

Have you considered working with DAZ? It's very fun to learn, maybe you'll like it and it will help you with the artwork for your game.

 

[xxerikxx]

Have you considered working with DAZ? It's very fun to learn, maybe you'll like it and it will help you with the artwork for your game.

Yes, I did download DAZ Studio, but I don't have the skills to do the art

 

[Purple Lagoon]

Hey, I just played this for some time (didn't finish it).
Here are my thoughts:

I didn't really mind the placeholders. I understand your position of wanting to write a story but lacking the skills to draw it.
I read some reviews that said the story was quite good and made up for the lack of images, so that got me interested.
Unfortunately, imho the story wasn't good at all.
Here's why:
- A lot of times the choices you make are just ignored by the game. For instance, on my first date with Cassandra I choose not to kiss her. Yet afterwards she kept saying how much she liked that kiss, and even the mc referred on several occasions to that kiss (that never happened).
Regarding Harper, I always chose the reject options, yet I ended up having sex with her.
These are just two examples, but the game is full of it. You decide to go home instead of going out, next morning you say "Ough I shouldn't have gone out that late". This is terrible writing and terrible use of choice system (as stated some posts earlier by Templar Translations)
After a while this got me so infuriated I just didn't care anymore for the game.
- Every girl you meet is after some 2-3 lines of conversation suddenly awestruck with you, eager to see your cock and have sex with you. I know there are a lot of games out here that have the same awful and immature writing, but for some reason I expected more from this, being a text centered game.

So now I'm wondering, why did I bother writing all this, when I was very disappointed with the game.
Thing is, for some reason I care for it. It's not all bad.
The overall story - despite the aforementioned flaws - is kinda good and kept me interested. The pacing was also quite good.
Oh and I also liked reading the thoughts and emotions of the other characters. It was at least some sort of interesting character development (till you get to the point where they all just want to bang the mc).

So yeah, that's my two pennies, I guess.
I'm normally not that harsh, but I've written all this in the spirit of constructive criticism

To end my rant, I think you should pay attention to:
- choice system, and how to do it WAY better.
- more mature writing with better character development. A game where all girls want to bang the mc after 2 minutes of dialogue may be good for 14-15 years old teenagers, but it has no remaining value.

Cheers and good luck with chapter 2!

 

[xxerikxx]

Hey, I just played this for some time (didn't finish it).
Here are my thoughts:

I didn't really mind the placeholders. I understand your position of wanting to write a story but lacking the skills to draw it.
I read some reviews that said the story was quite good and made up for the lack of images, so that got me interested.
Unfortunately, imho the story wasn't good at all.
Here's why:
- A lot of times the choices you make are just ignored by the game. For instance, on my first date with Cassandra I choose not to kiss her. Yet afterwards she kept saying how much she liked that kiss, and even the mc referred on several occasions to that kiss (that never happened).
Regarding Harper, I always chose the reject options, yet I ended up having sex with her.
These are just two examples, but the game is full of it. You decide to go home instead of going out, next morning you say "Ough I shouldn't have gone out that late". This is terrible writing and terrible use of choice system (as stated some posts earlier by Templar Translations)
After a while this got me so infuriated I just didn't care anymore for the game.
- Every girl you meet is after some 2-3 lines of conversation suddenly awestruck with you, eager to see your cock and have sex with you. I know there are a lot of games out here that have the same awful and immature writing, but for some reason I expected more from this, being a text centered game.

So now I'm wondering, why did I bother writing all this, when I was very disappointed with the game.
Thing is, for some reason I care for it. It's not all bad.
The overall story - despite the aforementioned flaws - is kinda good and kept me interested. The pacing was also quite good.
Oh and I also liked reading the thoughts and emotions of the other characters. It was at least some sort of interesting character development (till you get to the point where they all just want to bang the mc).

So yeah, that's my two pennies, I guess.
I'm normally not that harsh, but I've written all this in the spirit of constructive criticism

To end my rant, I think you should pay attention to:
- choice system, and how to do it WAY better.
- more mature writing with better character development. A game where all girls want to bang the mc after 2 minutes of dialogue may be good for 14-15 years old teenagers, but it has no remaining value.

Cheers and good luck with chapter 2!

Thank you for taking your time to write your feedback. I really appreciate constructive criticism.

When I started writing the game I didn't expect to ever release it and certainly didn't expect it to be so long. I wanted to write a little story and learn basic Renpy. That's why i rushed the sex scenes in the beginning. All the sex scenes with people the MC met at the nightclub was totally unnecessary for the story.

I am really glad that you pointed out some inconsistent between choices and text, because I have really tried to avoid that. I think the original story i wrote was pretty consistent. But then I added some extra options and side stories and it seems like I have forgotten to update all the text. Like the alternative to skip going to the nightclub on the first day was an option I added in one of the last updates. I thought that all I needed to do was write that the MC went to sleep, create a dream and then I didn't remember that at some point the MC the next day said something about staying out late. I will correct that. I had also forgotten that there were an option not to kiss Cassandra. I know you want the option to reject all girls, but the love story with Cassandra and Harper is needed in the overall story so I can't let the player avoid that all together. Yes, there is no way to avoid ending up in a sexual relationship with Harper, but at least you get the option to dump her later in the story
You can dump one of the two girls, but you can't dump both. And you can't avoid having sex with Fae at least once because that is also important for the story.

I am glad that you liked some of the character development. This is one of the reason why I felt the need to write season 2. In the first season I used a lot of time introducing and building characters. Now that all the main characters have developed a clear personality it's easier to write more interesting stories.

I could of course have made the writing deeper and more mature. If my intention was to write a romantic novel then I definitively would, but since this i meant to be a sexual visual novel then I felt it was acceptable to let the MC be more or less irresistible for all the females in the story.

Thanks again for taking the time to give feedback. It's much appreciated!

 

[FroZn X]

where do someone contact you

 

[xxerikxx]

where do someone contact you

Just send me a message to my inbox at F95 if you would like to be a part of the project.

 

[BigDaddyDom]

Just send me a message to my inbox at F95 if you would like to be a part of the project.

Sounds like a very interesting storyline, but for me I need the visuals. Have you considered posting a search for an artist in the other forums here? There's lots of talented artists who may struggle with or not want to do the writing part, so it would be a perfect match. I suggest you check out this thread for somebody you might like:
https://f95zone.to/threads/daz3d-art-show-us-your-dazskill.4764/page-1734#post-4642841
A couple artists in there that caught my eye, that I think would be great for the types of characters you are writing: Atherin cwsmlk

On another note, anybody know of any games that actually do use the character models shown in the sample images? They look amazing

 

[myuhinny]

I ignored Sarah and later ignored her and Victurd I prevented the directurd from doing anything with the daughter and later when she was with some turd named hammer or something it then switched to the MC and Harper and at the end of the scene it jumped to the daughter and directurd for some fucking reason.

So I ended up opening up the script file finding the directurd jump and replaced it with the daughter/BFF jump so it jumped right past that crap and jumped straight into a lesbian scene and stopped playing again right before the party. So for me the daughter did nothing but lesbain stuff and then proclaimed her love for her BFF.

 

[xxerikxx]

The bugs have been fixed now.