VN Ren'Py Abandoned Buried Desires [v0.5] [Betisis]

[Boehser Onkel]

It's kind of funny how people are trying to predict how the story is gonna unfold after that by making LOGICAL assumptions (like, "MC is gonna spend the next few months in the hospital, and won't be able to save Luna, wtf dev?"). I mean, after such a corkscrew of a plot it woudn't be surprizing if the next update started from the MC shrugging off the gunwound like nothing because as it turns out he's a reincarnation of an ancient Mayan god sent to the earth by reptiloids to save the world by punching nieces and fucking drug addicts. Although that might be too logical...

SPOILER !!!!

 

[Jellyluve]

Now I don't know what happens in this update yet and I don't know if what I'm going to say is even a thing or me just being stupid but anyways since this is a "experimental build" this update as of now could simply be a rough preview of what the story and the H-scenes are going to be in this update then the story will be ironed out and the dialog and the scenes for the different options can be added as patches until the final build gets released.

 

[MrLKX]

There's a saying in my pen & paper group (especially when I'm the DM): don't give the DM any (stupid) ideas. I think that can be applied here as well.

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In general, I have to ask myself the question: Does the Dev have some kind of script for its plot? A red thread for decisions and consequences? I can only speak from my experience as a DM, but a thread and an idea where you want to go with your plot is extremely important and I don't see why it should be different here. I have my own problems connecting the multitude of ideas I want to use without it seeming artificial. Therefore I try to give a hint to the dev: Make a mind map with the core idea of your plot, then collect all the plot ideas you have. In the third step, see how you can elegantly insert these plot ideas into your storyline without overwhelming the players with a flood of information or forcing them into these events. In the fourth step you look at the consequences of the decisions. Here you must clearly distinguish the difference between a railroad and consequences.

Example: A random store burned down, players can't buy items here.
Railroad: The plot has forced the players to burn down the store. The players had no possibility to say: No, I won't do that.
Consequence: The players burned down the store because of a decision/misjudgment. But the players had the option to avoid this.
Irrelevance of the decision: Even if the players burned down the store, the store owner stands in front of the ruins of his store and sells his goods as if nothing had ever happened.

 

[Boehser Onkel]

thats Mia?

 

[Boehser Onkel]

There's a saying in my pen & paper group (especially when I'm the DM): don't give the DM any (stupid) ideas. I think that can be applied here as well.


I think the best thing that can be done with this update is damage control. Decisions that make the scene in the bathroom and the sex with the girl that is heavily drugged optional would help a bit.

I don't know how widespread this phrase is, but where I come from there is a saying that roughly translates to "too many cooks spoil the broth". I think the focus on the niece and her problems/feelings for John Cena's doppelganger (or her uncle) would have been enough. Yes, there was some focus here, but the quicky in a gas station restroom and the girl on drugs thing could have been resolved differently. When the lady from the toilet shows up again, she could have been introduced a bit differently later. For example, as a teacher who has a healthy appetite, if you know what I mean. We haven't seen that much of her personality, but so far it doesn't seem completely out of character to me for this character. If she doesn't reappear, then we're back to a situation where time and resources have been put into things that don't add value and are, in the end, just stopgaps.

As for the girl on drugs: Here we could have simply used a student of our MC who ran away from home for the same reasons as our previously existing girl on drugs. Since our MC has already stood up for his students in the twin subplot, this wouldn't even have been out of character.

Now for the situation with the niece: As it stands now, I feel like the dev here wants too many things at once:

Rebel
Obvious problems with her mother and sister
Romantic feelings for her uncle (?) that she assumes won't be reciprocated (she's family and he also rejected the advances of this girl who later killed herself).
Involved in some criminal organization whose dogs are not able to make sure that witnesses are really dead (who leaves something like that to chance? Do they have to fill out paperwork for every bullet they fire and pay for both paper and ammo themselves?)

I think the first three points would have been absolutely sufficient. Since there are already a large number of female characters, this crime stuff just artificially inflates the whole thing, and I think another metaphor sums it up very well here: less is more.

In general, I have to ask myself the question: Does the Dev have some kind of script for its plot? A red thread for decisions and consequences? I can only speak from my experience as a DM, but a thread and an idea where you want to go with your plot is extremely important and I don't see why it should be different here. I have my own problems connecting the multitude of ideas I want to use without it seeming artificial. Therefore I try to give a hint to the dev: Make a mind map with the core idea of your plot, then collect all the plot ideas you have. In the third step, see how you can elegantly insert these plot ideas into your storyline without overwhelming the players with a flood of information or forcing them into these events. In the fourth step you look at the consequences of the decisions. Here you must clearly distinguish the difference between a railroad and consequences.

Example: A random store burned down, players can't buy items here.
Railroad: The plot has forced the players to burn down the store. The players had no possibility to say: No, I won't do that.
Consequence: The players burned down the store because of a decision/misjudgment. But the players had the option to avoid this.
Irrelevance of the decision: Even if the players burned down the store, the store owner stands in front of the ruins of his store and sells his goods as if nothing had ever happened.

spoiler much eeeh ....

 

[Shyguy1369]

equal rights equal fights

What fight? She was yelling. So a woman yelling at you is fair game to hit them? Man you are messed up. Not only a woman, but a rebellious young adult who oh also happens to be your FUCKING niece. I repeat what I said... Completely repulsive.

 

[fangrew]

It feels like the dev started making a game, then played another game or read a book and decided he wanted to pivot to that kind of game, then he played yet another game and decided that a teacher at a new school plot is to bland so he pivoted again to some sort of crazy criminal organization BS that his random niece just happens to be a part of. Every update feels like a completely different game with the same models.

I know it happens a lot with dev's on this site. since they receive money through patreon monthly and not for a finished project, nor do they have bosses forcing them to keep on track. Which causes the devs to sometimes get bored of their currently in development game and start a new one that they are way more passionate about and interested in.

However only thing worse than that is for the dev to not make a second game, but instead shoehorns all his new "ideas" into his current game.

 

[MrLKX]

At this point, I would like to compare the aforementioned scene with the comparable scene from the twin scenario:

Here, the MC had to assume that two of his students were in imminent danger (which is not even entirely far-fetched). I also don't have it completely in my head anymore, but I mean that the first thing he tried was words.

With

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, on the other hand: Here it was simply a short-circuit reaction that should not happen to a teacher.

My conclusion: He is a teacher and father and should therefore be able to distinguish to a certain extent when a person represents a risk and when a person

Spoiler

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is just acting like a brat.

My personal modus operandi when I have a choice in games:
1. Does the person pose a risk to others, himself, or the MC?
2. is the MC outnumbered?
3. can the person be overpowered without risk without the use of force? If not, what is the minimum that must be used?

Now let's compare the two situations:
Subplot:
Yes, the aggressor posed a potential threat to the MC's students.
The situation was balanced.
Potentially possible. A headbutt might also have been an option.

Niece:

Spoiler

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[Behappy69]

Do I have to start the game again to get the 2 new parts the cheating and the Junkie because for me I load my last save and there is nothing new.

 

[Rory Smith]

Developer
Can u add these settings (at least second one) ??
I think all games should have these 2

 

[Hellster]

Do I have to start the game again to get the 2 new parts the cheating and the Junkie because for me I load my last save and there is nothing new.

If you made saves from the side story, and loaded one of them, that's why, you should load a save from when Luna hits the MC with the baseball bat at the end of 0.1

 

[HansDampf788]

In my opinion, the only thing that can save the game after this shit show of an update is to throw everything from v0.2 in the trash and start again.

The 2 sex scenes were hot and could maybe be salvaged for a later point but that was the only thing that was good about the update.

 

[I am Gone]

You have your opinion and respect, and I have mine, I haven't seen this update so I can't comment on it (and I won't until the officer leaves), yet a real (decent) VN always has these different routes and there always has to be an understanding of all the characters (otherwise we get adrift with the story), but I realize (that's what I see) that you don't want a VN but a "short and superficial story of all the characters" and you want the game to go straight to the action, I'm not criticizing you (even I'd like more action), but let's face it, it's actually a VN and not just any story that gets right into the action right away, I'm not advocating for the game, and yes that's how I see the game.

Question if you havent played the update then why are you commenting like you did? Cant talk about something you know nothing about

 

[Raziel_8]

What fight? She was yelling. So a woman yelling at you is fair game to hit them? Man you are messed up. Not only a woman, but a rebellious young adult who oh also happens to be your FUCKING niece. I repeat what I said... Completely repulsive.

Yeah and if his niece was a guy it would be ok ?
Sorry, but when someone uses violence against me, like lets say, beats me with a bat on the head, i don't give shit if it's a man, woman, young, old or some estranged family member...
You arer portraying the MC as if he just randomly beat up his poor, inocent, kid niece, which did nothing wrong.

They are family, but he didn't see her for a long time, apparently because she didn't wanted. To be family means more than just being related and a family member, which don't want to have contact with u for years, is not much better than a stranger.

That poor adult niece, which leads a 'gang', is involved with the mob and first thing she does is beating him on the head with a bat, don't even apologizes besides, 'whoops wrong person'... and after that just continues as if he wronged her somewhere.

Then for some fucking reason, she wants to unleash his inner beast (cause MC is somehow Dr. Jekyll und Mr. Hyde all of sudden), which she somehow sees in his eyes, same as she knows him fucking young girls, dunno maybe some superpowered precognition on her part...
So she does everything possible to provoke him, find a way so he will lose it and will punch her, this is exatly what she wanted to achieve...so congratulations goal achieved.

We all have a point where we will snap, admittedly the MC looses it extremly fast, even more so as he is extremely level headed and in control otherwise, dunno maybe he was still a bit pissed at the hit on his head and her don't giving a fuck...

But if u find that so 'repulsive' than maybe look at the damn niece, she has a major part of blame in that.
Maybe, just maybe, don't intentionally provoke someone to the point where he/she will lose it...cause u know, they will lose control and lash out, often physically...if u do that intentionally, than look in the mirror, if u want to find the main culprit to put the blame on, being a woman doesn't change that

 

[Shyguy1369]

Yeah and if his niece was a guy it would be ok ?
Sorry, but when someone uses violence against me, like lets say, beats me with a bat on the head, i don't give shit if it's a man, woman, young, old or some estranged family member...
You arer portraying the MC as if he just randomly beat up his poor, inocent, kid niece, which did nothing wrong.

They are family, but he didn't see her for a long time, apparently because she didn't wanted. To be family means more than just being related and a family member, which don't want to have contact with u for years, is not much better than a stranger.

That poor adult niece, which leads a 'gang', is involved with the mob and first thing she does is beating him on the head with a bat, don't even apologizes besides, 'whoops wrong person'... and after that just continues as if he wronged her somewhere.

Then for some fucking reason, she wants to unleash his inner beast (cause MC is somehow Dr. Jekyll und Mr. Hyde all of sudden), which she somehow sees in his eyes, same as she knows him fucking young girls, dunno maybe some superpowered precognition on her part...
So she does everything possible to provoke him, find a way so he will lose it and will punch her, this is exatly what she wanted to achieve...so congratulations goal achieved.

We all have a point where we will snap, admittedly the MC looses it extremly fast, even more so as he is extremely level headed and in control otherwise, dunno maybe he was still a bit pissed at the hit on his head and her don't giving a fuck...

But if u find that so 'repulsive' than maybe look at the damn niece, she has a major part of blame in that.
Maybe, just maybe, don't intentionally provoke someone to the point where he/she will lose it...cause u know, they will lose control and lash out, often physically...if u do that intentionally, than look in the mirror, if u want to find the main culprit to put the blame on, being a woman doesn't change that

There are many other things he could have done than punch her in the face. I can't say what I want, because it will be deleted. So you think what you want, but I will not accept this as an acceptable method of dealing with the situation. It was absolutely despicable and if you enjoyed it... great for you.

 

[VelocityRyuga]

What fight? She was yelling. So a woman yelling at you is fair game to hit them? Man you are messed up. Not only a woman, but a rebellious young adult who oh also happens to be your FUCKING niece. I repeat what I said... Completely repulsive.

Nah that's fucking bullshit, not disagreeing you about your current argument and more about what you initially said - "No man should hit a woman". That's sexism right there, you people keep saying we can't lay a finger on a woman and that's bs, if a woman gonna be talking to me like that I'm damn well taking the same action I would regardless of whether it's a man or a woman. If I would hit a man in that situation, then I would for a woman as well. In the case of the story, yeah I wouldn't actually use physical force, but my point is if I was gonna hit someone, I wouldn't care if it's a man or a woman.

 

[Kukipett]

It feels like the dev started making a game, then played another game or read a book and decided he wanted to pivot to that kind of game, then he played yet another game and decided that a teacher at a new school plot is to bland so he pivoted again to some sort of crazy criminal organization BS that his random niece just happens to be a part of. Every update feels like a completely different game with the same models.

I know it happens a lot with dev's on this site. since they receive money through patreon monthly and not for a finished project, nor do they have bosses forcing them to keep on track. Which causes the devs to sometimes get bored of their currently in development game and start a new one that they are way more passionate about and interested in.

However only thing worse than that is for the dev to not make a second game, but instead shoehorns all his new "ideas" into his current game.

This is exactly what i think, i am myself starting to develop a game and for the moment i just compile ideas to implement in a scenario, i'm doing this since 3 months and i will not rush anything. In this way you have plenty of time to analyse your thaught and how to implement them in a good storyline.
The worst is to start a game with some basic ideas, make a patreon, ask for feedback and suggestions and then starting to listen to random guys who tell you to do this, do that, we want more sex an so on.

We have a good example here, i guess that someone told the dev that this school setting is a bad choice because it has been done a thousand times then another one come up with the complaint that there is no good fuck scene in your current game.

So we get that update, going from a teacher in school, to a lone avenger seeking justice for his niece, who fucks any girl he meets.

So how can this story go on now, we have a guy dying in a motel who has some flashback of his life, so will the rest of the game be a serie of flashbacks showing what happened when he was a teacher and his story with the suicided girl?

Or maybe some alien ship will show up, the MC will be abducted, his anus will be probed, his wounds will be healed and he will wake up naked in a forest with an implant in his brain that gives him some super power habilities.
So you see i also have some goo ideas the dev could implement in this game, don't you think?

 

[desmosome]

There are many other things he could have done than punch her in the face. I can't say what I want, because it will be deleted. So you think what you want, but I will not accept this as an acceptable method of dealing with the situation. It was absolutely despicable and if you enjoyed it... great for you.

It's not just a punch lol. He fucking gave a huge left hook to a little girl. The actual punch isn't the worst part though. It's his expression and trembling rage building up due to the niece randomly telling him to hit her and calling him a pussy for not wanting to. Just think for a second if this scenario makes any sense.

"Hey uncle, you are a pervert who likes little girls."
"What? No I don't (shit, how does she know)"
"Pervert"
"Stop it!"
"Then hit me!"
"What? Why!?"
"Pussy"
*rage
"Hit me, bitch!"
*Clenches fist. About to cry
"You fucking pussy"
*AGHHHH Falcon Punch!

 

[Shyguy1369]

Nah that's fucking bullshit, not disagreeing you about your current argument and more about what you initially said - "No man should hit a woman". That's sexism right there, you people keep saying we can't lay a finger on a woman and that's bs, if a woman gonna be talking to me like that I'm damn well taking the same action I would regardless of whether it's a man or a woman. If I would hit a man in that situation, then I would for a woman as well. In the case of the story, yeah I wouldn't actually use physical force, but my point is if I was gonna hit someone, I wouldn't care if it's a man or a woman.

Maybe I should have rephrased it to defenseless woman. As it was in this sense. Not only was she much younger (19?), but he was facing her (no bat from behind this time). There was ABSOLUTELY no need for the MC to punch her clean in the face like that. NONE. AT. ALL. And I think, ANYONE who thinks that she deserved that is a sick person and deserves the worse that karma can do.

 

[VelocityRyuga]

Maybe I should have rephrased it to defenseless woman. As it was in this sense. Not only was she much younger (19?), but he was facing her (no bat from behind this time). There was ABSOLUTELY no need for the MC to punch her clean in the face like that. NONE. AT. ALL. And I think, ANYONE who thinks that she deserved that is a sick person and deserves the worse that karma can do.

Oh I definitely agree with you on this one, no doubts. I was actually disgusted to see that this wasn't even optional - WHY did that happen? So many reasons would justify against doing it.

I got a little triggered from back in my school days where this one girl would pull of shit and expect me to stay silent lol. Apologies if I sounded too rude. I also do think that there was no reason to hit Luna there, or anyone in that situation.