Orichan

Member
Sep 6, 2017
296
630
You really need to stop this constant buildup and pencil-sharpening. I couldn't care less about the japanese girl you introduced because you're afraid once you actually deliver the shortstack you won't have any idea how to continue. It was grating when How I met Your Mother stretched itself, and it was shit when George R. R. Martin started 32 unrelated plotlines for them to converge for 5 minutes.
Stop dragging out the pacing and introducing useless filler characters. You keep increasing the scope while drip-feeding the actual content, but making sure nothing is actually happening.

In short, you've set up way too many punchlines, and it's time to deliver.
I like some buildup personally. Sex scene is meaningless, it's all about corruption that makes it good
 

Hellster

Engaged Member
May 18, 2019
2,254
2,682
I like some buildup personally. Sex scene is meaningless, it's all about corruption that makes it good
I'm curious about this Japanese girl, i haven't seen one, if they are referring to the new girl at the beach, she doesn't look japanese
 

Ifartedtoolong

Well-Known Member
Feb 27, 2022
1,747
1,452
Aw no Riley content.:cry: When creepy looking man child and Alice are getting ready for bed the lines dim the lights down baby and I'm exhausted are spoken by Hailey instead of Alice or creepy looking man child.

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Sonico

Forum Fanatic
Jul 21, 2018
4,031
2,887
Yup, Alice is perfectly fine. Hell I like Riley and I'm not usually one for trap content. Hina is probably the weakest of them to me and even then she's good. Just overshadowed.
Don't know what made me laugh more - Hailey's carrot in the morning or that Alice's buttchecks are still bright pink and even though she's in a transparent negligee and black thong her husband manages to miss it.

edit: my bad, it was still the night, at the end of chapter 3.

Ok, loving the potential in Amanda too.
 
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BoltonGuy35

Well-Known Member
Mar 25, 2018
1,273
2,282
For someone that has such a don't give a shit attitude and is as bad as the mc is portrayed, he certainly is taking his time getting his dick wet?
I mean hailey has pretty much begged him to get his 'carrot' out and he doesn't!!
Waaaaay to much about butt stuff so far, it's clear the dev has a thing for this but there is two holes ya'know!!
Good story but with the way the mc acts he should have had at least a wank of someone by now.
 

Munchking

Member
Oct 19, 2017
159
547
Don't know what made me laugh more - Hailey's carrot in the morning or that Alice's buttchecks are still bright pink and even though she's in a transparent negligee and black thong her husband manages to miss it.

edit: my bad, it was still the night, at the end of chapter 3.
Eh, even if they were still pink I doubt Oliver would have noticed. On the beach or in the bed Oliver barely even looks at Alice. Hell the only time he does seem to focus on her is during the conversations in the living room. He's in the 'we're old, our horny days are past, everything is a staid peaceful existence' energy going on. Like something out of the 50's bottom drawer books where the milkman is boning the stay-at-home wife with the husband oblivious. How deep in denial does someone have to be not to notice something is going on with Riley? Yeah he screams FOOTBALL!
 
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