- Jun 24, 2017
- 19
- 79
Realy great game. The renderings are real good and the Story is intriguing. Cant wait to see more of it
- Nov 23, 2017
- 770
- 1,058
I really loved this game. I mean Sarah is hot as hell then you bring the younger girl in and she is all shy and then tells you that she loves you and starts flirting with you and is hot as hell as well i mean wow lol. I liked it so much i sent a link to a friend so he could try it out and he loves it as well lol 
- Jun 18, 2018
- 1,119
- 6,636
No worries lol. I will definitely report them if I see them and they happen to be funny. I know how it is with the proofreading. When you have over 40,000 words sitting in front of you it's not always as simple as running a spellcheck.
By the way loving your game so far.
- Oct 5, 2018
- 1,394
- 3,851
So far this has potential to be enticing. Definitely similar to MSN and it's early days so can't wait to see how the story develops. I like it so far as it reminds me of MSN with decent renders.
@Neverluckystudios One of the replies is a decent summary of where your game's at (Hope it doesn't discourage you because you've done a decent job so far)
On the choices issue I think it's more inconsistency that's the real problem. What I mean is the MC has the choice of where to finish during fun time but not the choice of where to stick it which is a shame for some guys. I don't have a problem with it if it's part of the story later on?
- Jan 7, 2018
- 779
- 367
- Oct 5, 2018
- 1,394
- 3,851
- Jun 21, 2018
- 8
- 15
- Apr 19, 2018
- 1,171
- 1,072
- Aug 20, 2017
- 567
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@Neverluckystudios
Okay, I kind of like this and I like the relationship dynamics of the characters but there are some parts of the story that I have issues with and I think should be changed/improved. Firstly, the girl, Jenny is Sarah's friends daughter. But Sarah didn't see Jenny before she gets to her house to move in? She didn't want to console her after her Mum died or go and meet her instead sending a strange man that she had never met to go and pick her up? It's very strange to me. What also doesn't seem to make sense is that this girl is 18 years old, just lost her parents and is now homeless? What happened to their home or money? She doesn't inherit anything? She didn't want to move in with some friends? The MC is told at the beginning of the story that he's been with Sarah for 3 years but we've never met Jenny so I'm assuming (by all means, correct me if I'm wrong) that she hasn't seen her for the 3 years we've been together but she invites her to move in?
My suggestions, put some explanation into the story that Sarah went to the funeral and has met up with Jenny, consoling her after the deaths. Roping into the facts that she lived quite far away and she had to fly there, hence not seeing her for quite a while and the MC not meeting her before. If she's been in Jenny's life more that I think then this needs to be expanded on and conveyed to the reader/player. Maybe have a more compelling reason for Sarah to not go to pick up Jenny and send the MC instead? Maybe she has to meet with a client or video conference, something other than she is a bit mopey and wants to check the guest room.
Perhaps suggest that Jenny's parents were in debt and their home is being repossessed and that is why she is having to stay with you? If she didn't live locally, as I suggested above, she might be picked up from the airport, maybe she was moving to this city for college and that's why she doesn't have any friends to rely on? I know she mentions on the way back from being collected initially that she is going to the same college in the same city and wouldn't want to have to go through all the extra hassle but where are all the people she knows? Did she grow up in this city? Did she live apart from her parents going to college in this city? Why does she have to move out of her current home?
I don't know, these things are the foundations of your story but they seem to be the weakest parts, at least to me. The other cliché happenings within the story can be forgiven a bit more if the foundation is solid and the reader has an understanding of what is happening and how the characters might be feeling/reacting. I'm interested in the story but I think you're doing yourself a disservice without sorting these issues out and having a more convincing plot for your tale to start from.
Take whatever you want from this though, I'm not a creator, just a player with a critical eye.
Okay, I kind of like this and I like the relationship dynamics of the characters but there are some parts of the story that I have issues with and I think should be changed/improved. Firstly, the girl, Jenny is Sarah's friends daughter. But Sarah didn't see Jenny before she gets to her house to move in? She didn't want to console her after her Mum died or go and meet her instead sending a strange man that she had never met to go and pick her up? It's very strange to me. What also doesn't seem to make sense is that this girl is 18 years old, just lost her parents and is now homeless? What happened to their home or money? She doesn't inherit anything? She didn't want to move in with some friends? The MC is told at the beginning of the story that he's been with Sarah for 3 years but we've never met Jenny so I'm assuming (by all means, correct me if I'm wrong) that she hasn't seen her for the 3 years we've been together but she invites her to move in?
My suggestions, put some explanation into the story that Sarah went to the funeral and has met up with Jenny, consoling her after the deaths. Roping into the facts that she lived quite far away and she had to fly there, hence not seeing her for quite a while and the MC not meeting her before. If she's been in Jenny's life more that I think then this needs to be expanded on and conveyed to the reader/player. Maybe have a more compelling reason for Sarah to not go to pick up Jenny and send the MC instead? Maybe she has to meet with a client or video conference, something other than she is a bit mopey and wants to check the guest room.
Perhaps suggest that Jenny's parents were in debt and their home is being repossessed and that is why she is having to stay with you? If she didn't live locally, as I suggested above, she might be picked up from the airport, maybe she was moving to this city for college and that's why she doesn't have any friends to rely on? I know she mentions on the way back from being collected initially that she is going to the same college in the same city and wouldn't want to have to go through all the extra hassle but where are all the people she knows? Did she grow up in this city? Did she live apart from her parents going to college in this city? Why does she have to move out of her current home?
I don't know, these things are the foundations of your story but they seem to be the weakest parts, at least to me. The other cliché happenings within the story can be forgiven a bit more if the foundation is solid and the reader has an understanding of what is happening and how the characters might be feeling/reacting. I'm interested in the story but I think you're doing yourself a disservice without sorting these issues out and having a more convincing plot for your tale to start from.
Take whatever you want from this though, I'm not a creator, just a player with a critical eye.
Im kinda fck here as I love Sarah, really do but Jenny is so cute and innocent... Damn what to do.. my darker side will want both.. but my heart says dont cheat on lovely Sarah.
I really loved this game. I mean Sarah is hot as hell then you bring the younger girl in and she is all shy and then tells you that she loves you and starts flirting with you and is hot as hell as well i mean wow lol. I liked it so much i sent a link to a friend so he could try it out and he loves it as well lol
- Jun 15, 2018
- 15
- 77
Thank you for your feedback.
Concerning the backstory:
You as the MC have never met Jenny and have only seen her mother a couple of times. Sarah has known Jenny`s mom since high school and they were roommates in college(you find that out later in the game). Sarah has also known Jenny since she was a little girl and they have a really close relationship. That`s why Sarah wants Jenny to live with her. She is the closest thing to a relative and close friend that Jenny has left.
Maybe I haven`t made that clear enough in the game. I would like to know, if other people misundestood that as well. So please if you read this and you also misunderstood that, please post it here.
Concerning the pick-up:
I agree it would make more sense if Sarah picked Jenny up, but I wanted to use this as an Introduction to you as the MC. I thought it would work better for the player this way rather than having Sarah get Jenny.
Lastly I want to say thank you again for your extensive feedback. I really accreciate it and I hope you have fun playing Triangle.
Neverlucky
Thing is, I never worried where Jenny came from or that Sarah did not pick her up etc...
It's something you can now actually use to build the characters... Jenny may ask Sarah why she did not pick her up, Sarah says she was busy working as she does.
You dont always have to explain everything off the bat is my take, i do it deliberately for RTP. I want certain facts to be released after a certain time and I all ways cover my facts or I do try to.
But yes i never needed an explanation, I was/am rather concerned about the moment at hand concerning your game.
It's something you can now actually use to build the characters... Jenny may ask Sarah why she did not pick her up, Sarah says she was busy working as she does.
You dont always have to explain everything off the bat is my take, i do it deliberately for RTP. I want certain facts to be released after a certain time and I all ways cover my facts or I do try to.
But yes i never needed an explanation, I was/am rather concerned about the moment at hand concerning your game.
Yep exactly my feeling when playing that game ... hard decisions ought to be made ..
- Jul 11, 2017
- 946
- 615
I picked up on those same questions when playing the game, but decided to assume essentially what you said. In a different game, I likely would have assumed they were plot holes, so it would behoove you to add a little more explanation about Jenny's circumstances before moving in (ideally before she does).
- Aug 20, 2017
- 567
- 864
I would say that you don't have to explain "everything" but a little more emphasis on what has happened, leaning towards explanation would make the reader more secure in the story. As it was, I plowed on with the game because "it's a game" and I've gotten over shakier backstories but it bothered me in the back of my mind. Give someone a decent history and a unique and believable start and the reader will remember it more fondly. You can drip feed information if you want to further along the story, it doesn't have to be before we've picked up Jenny. She can thank Sarah for coming to see her or mention something about her visiting or something to explain that they've seen each other recently.
You say that they've had a really close relationship but the MC has been with Sarah for 3 years, since Jenny was 15, and they've never met each other. Had Sarah been going to meet her friend and Jenny without her boyfriend, the MC? If so, infer that was the case and a reason for that happening otherwise, to me at least it will seem like the normal shaky set up for one of these games.
- Jun 21, 2018
- 8
- 15
Those same questions popped into my head at the beginning as well, but since I give each story some "suspension of disbelief", they didn't really bother me, although a bit more detail would help the story to be more believable, either up front or explained later on in the plot like Mr. Knobb mentioned.
It can be as simple as a 1 line dialogue made by Jenny in the car while only the MC is picking her up, like: "you look exactly like in the pictures that Sarah posted on her [social media] all these years. It's unfortunate that she had to fly out of town for an important trial case this week. Since my family recently moved to this city for my college, I didn't know who to turn to. I really missing Sarah and her hugs since the last time she visited a while back....."
Plot holes mostly squashed! Jenny knows what the MC looks like, it's not a total stranger picking her up . Sarah has absolutely no choice in being there physically, and sets up why she chose to "crash at their place" for the time being.
It can be as simple as a 1 line dialogue made by Jenny in the car while only the MC is picking her up, like: "you look exactly like in the pictures that Sarah posted on her [social media] all these years. It's unfortunate that she had to fly out of town for an important trial case this week. Since my family recently moved to this city for my college, I didn't know who to turn to. I really missing Sarah and her hugs since the last time she visited a while back....."
Plot holes mostly squashed! Jenny knows what the MC looks like, it's not a total stranger picking her up . Sarah has absolutely no choice in being there physically, and sets up why she chose to "crash at their place" for the time being.