It was a decent start...
I think showing the intro scene of the "real" MC (default name Ethan) is kind of a bad decision. If we are to assume that the vast majority of the game will be playing as "David," then this intro sequence of Ethan kinda squashes all the mystery involved. It also makes it feel like a possession game where you are not really David, and whatever memory and feelings you unlock from David's life is not really yours. This is especially true since the MC's name is Ethan even while playing as David, leading to the feeling that your MC is really Ethan and David's life is just something you are taking over.
Instead, imagine if we didn't start with Ethan entering the portal and start from David (who you can name) waking up from amnesia. Now "David" is the main character. You can unlock new memories and eventually find out that you are not really David, but Ethan, who went into David's body or whatever is happening (I think it's like souls merging and Ethan assimilated David's feelings and memories). This would be an interesting reveal and wouldn't lead to a detached feeling towards David's character because we consider his experience after waking up from the hospital as the main story. Since we start playing him after he lost all his memories, as far as we are concerned, Ethan and David are the same character, making both David's and Ethan's memories equally important.
I'm not sure if I explained things correctly, but it's just a matter of perspective. I mean... unless I'm just entirely misunderstanding the story lol.
Anyways, other than that, it seems like grammar was fixed somewhat? Looks like people complained a lot on the first release, but it doesn't seem super horrible in this version. It could surely be better, but I've seen a lot worse. The dialogue and character writing is pretty weak though. MC is really nonchalant about losing his memories. It doesn't seem natural at all how he just takes it in stride and doesn't have any questions or emotions that would be associated waking up with strangers treating you like family.
Dev needs to decide exactly how this possession/soul merging effect works on a mechanical level. MC wakes up and is shocked about cars existing, but later he operates a smartphone like it's nothing.