- Apr 4, 2018
- 97
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I have tried a whole lot of games on here but It’s my first time creating stuff and wanted it to be unique. I’m not the best when it comes to making scenes. I didn’t want to copy other games and I didn’t want the prologue to be long. If it was long, the game could of gotten boring so I wanted to shorten it. I wanted it be story heavy and a scene before we get into the game itself. Anyway this was a prologue and assuming you played 0.5, it just a test run. Thanks for your input, I’ll try to get better
- Apr 4, 2018
- 97
- 244
i'd like to see Korone as a futa/trans just to make a refference to ''actually i'm a boy'' moment lmao
- Sep 27, 2017
- 2,914
- 3,685
Seeing the planned tags i must say, a god without lolis isnt worth to be a god...and solving puzzles is beneath one.
However, i dont think the harem tag would benefit from adding more dicks, even shotasized they would still scream for either a gay or a ntr tag and seeing the title i dont think either of them would fit at all
However, i dont think the harem tag would benefit from adding more dicks, even shotasized they would still scream for either a gay or a ntr tag and seeing the title i dont think either of them would fit at all
- Jun 26, 2018
- 8,485
- 11,675
When you say you skip it, is it still happening but you don't see it? Or does it really not happen?
- Apr 4, 2018
- 97
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A Whole ASS menu to skip it or not. It still happens, you just don't see it
- Jun 26, 2018
- 8,485
- 11,675
Thanks for the clarification.
So I guess I don't need to download the game again. If it happens, even if I don't see it, my interest remains the same.
- Sep 7, 2020
- 44
- 67
- Jul 6, 2021
- 981
- 981
This game has a lot of promise, it really does because it is unique.
I hate rape, ntr and prostitution, because the latter is always connected to ntr in some way. The rape scene is only there as a shock mechanic, it serves no purpose, and even if it did, it is not tasteful, rape never is but each to their own, at least you offered a skip button.
I skipped it, and tried to carry on reading the story, but it got to a point where I could no longer ignore the serious problems this game has.
Before you get angry at me when I ask this, I am not asking because I want to be rude or make you angry or anything else. Do you suffer from some form of dyslexia? If you don't or think you do not, I would ask you kindly to make a visit to your GP and ask for a dyslexia test to rule it out completely. I have seen writing similar to this a couple of times, and each time the person actually had dyslexia (one of the guy's didn't even know he suffered from it, because no one pointed anything out to him, when he had a dyslexia test he found he had it.) You frequently skip words which is a major warning sign of dyslexia. (if your writing in another language its very likely an issue with translation, though it does not always rule out dyslexia but since your using your mother tongue this is not the case.)
Onto another point or two:
Remember, that grammar and language both have the alphabet ‘a’ in them twice and so, grammar is used to refer to language structuring. Grammer is a proper noun and cannot be used in any other way but I get your joke at the beginning, but the last laugh ends up on you almost immediately the prologue begins.
The prologue is a bit of a mess writing wise. I did not understand much at the beginning. He gets up out of bed, then i presume he complains about the cold (there is a whole sentence there that makes no sense, and should be removed), finds his clothes, puts them on and then finds a ring. The bit after he finds the ring is really weird, is he talking to himself or thinking to himself? I assume the latter I hope lol. He does some complaining and then says even the pawn shop wouldn't want to buy it off him. He then puts it on, goes outside to a bright light, faces a female god over looking the world, and then a very silly and strange attempt at a conversation begins, which I could barely even understand, even taking away the rape scene, the only real thing I understood is that the ring magically appears at the right time to a certain male with the right conditions when he turns 18, most males die instantly at 18 (why?) but after this baffling conversation I had to stop, if the grammar is this bad already, then I can't continue. I probably sound like a grammar nazi, but honestly I just want to know what is going on, without getting a major headache in the process of doing so.
My advice (you obviously do not have to take it.) is to get yourself a fluent English Language proof reader that can fix the grammatical and spelling errors and insert the words that have been skipped, especially if you want this game to be a big success. I cannot comment on the rest of the game, because I could not continue in it's current form due to the problems listed above.
NOTE: A Harem has 1 male otherwise it is not a harem. I would advise against NTR, rape and prostitution, and if your going to add other controversial fetishes, make them an option we can avoid completely so that way, people who want the fetishes can have them, without the rest of us having to put up with them. In other words, I have no interest in shota , futa, gay, ntr, rape or prostitution or any other fetish that involves those things, so if your going to add them, make sure those of us that don't want anything to do with them, can be avoided completely without loosing a large chunk of your story (personally I would just stick with the harem, and not have too many girls for your first game. Too many girls can be problematic on your memory when writing for them and adds a lot of extra work you could probably do without on your first attempt at making a game.)
I hate rape, ntr and prostitution, because the latter is always connected to ntr in some way. The rape scene is only there as a shock mechanic, it serves no purpose, and even if it did, it is not tasteful, rape never is but each to their own, at least you offered a skip button.
I skipped it, and tried to carry on reading the story, but it got to a point where I could no longer ignore the serious problems this game has.
Before you get angry at me when I ask this, I am not asking because I want to be rude or make you angry or anything else. Do you suffer from some form of dyslexia? If you don't or think you do not, I would ask you kindly to make a visit to your GP and ask for a dyslexia test to rule it out completely. I have seen writing similar to this a couple of times, and each time the person actually had dyslexia (one of the guy's didn't even know he suffered from it, because no one pointed anything out to him, when he had a dyslexia test he found he had it.) You frequently skip words which is a major warning sign of dyslexia. (if your writing in another language its very likely an issue with translation, though it does not always rule out dyslexia but since your using your mother tongue this is not the case.)
Onto another point or two:
Remember, that grammar and language both have the alphabet ‘a’ in them twice and so, grammar is used to refer to language structuring. Grammer is a proper noun and cannot be used in any other way but I get your joke at the beginning, but the last laugh ends up on you almost immediately the prologue begins.
The prologue is a bit of a mess writing wise. I did not understand much at the beginning. He gets up out of bed, then i presume he complains about the cold (there is a whole sentence there that makes no sense, and should be removed), finds his clothes, puts them on and then finds a ring. The bit after he finds the ring is really weird, is he talking to himself or thinking to himself? I assume the latter I hope lol. He does some complaining and then says even the pawn shop wouldn't want to buy it off him. He then puts it on, goes outside to a bright light, faces a female god over looking the world, and then a very silly and strange attempt at a conversation begins, which I could barely even understand, even taking away the rape scene, the only real thing I understood is that the ring magically appears at the right time to a certain male with the right conditions when he turns 18, most males die instantly at 18 (why?) but after this baffling conversation I had to stop, if the grammar is this bad already, then I can't continue. I probably sound like a grammar nazi, but honestly I just want to know what is going on, without getting a major headache in the process of doing so.
My advice (you obviously do not have to take it.) is to get yourself a fluent English Language proof reader that can fix the grammatical and spelling errors and insert the words that have been skipped, especially if you want this game to be a big success. I cannot comment on the rest of the game, because I could not continue in it's current form due to the problems listed above.
NOTE: A Harem has 1 male otherwise it is not a harem. I would advise against NTR, rape and prostitution, and if your going to add other controversial fetishes, make them an option we can avoid completely so that way, people who want the fetishes can have them, without the rest of us having to put up with them. In other words, I have no interest in shota , futa, gay, ntr, rape or prostitution or any other fetish that involves those things, so if your going to add them, make sure those of us that don't want anything to do with them, can be avoided completely without loosing a large chunk of your story (personally I would just stick with the harem, and not have too many girls for your first game. Too many girls can be problematic on your memory when writing for them and adds a lot of extra work you could probably do without on your first attempt at making a game.)
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- Jun 18, 2019
- 124
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There are some errors in the story flow (near the end) so it would be better to go over the text again.
- Jun 15, 2021
- 129
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- Apr 4, 2018
- 97
- 244
Thanks for the input. I have an idea but trying to structure it, is hard. I do tend to forget words in writing as you see in the game. I am not mad, in fact, I'm happy that you put together this piece, honesty. I may have it but that's the only thing, forgetting to put words into sentences sometimes. I did fix grammar stuff for the most part. I mean, my brain knows it, but it's goes over it. The structure of the game is weird for me too. I just didn't know what to write. Also trying to make the scenes into koikatsu is hard. I'm more of light novel guy, explaining a story more with words then images I suppose. I had the idea but no way to shoot through it. It's my first time writing a game and trying to structure it will no image of how it's going to be made is hard.
The first scene, I was trying to make it more word base but then it failed so I gave up on it. I was planning to rewrite the prologue sometime, but I wanted people to see something the idea so here it was. The game, to me at least, is a great concept but poor execution.
Again, I've said it, I don't have a clear goal, just writing tags in case it happens. Mostly likely won't have rape/prostituion but no NTR at all. I don't want to rule out something people like and if people don't like it, they can skip it. See I was planning to have Kronii stop it since she is the God of time, but I wanted a scene into the build and have a gigachad person with no fucks as a mc.
- Apr 4, 2018
- 97
- 244
If you can spot them and send them over in my discord channel, that would be super awesome. You don't have to do it btw, I was just saying
- Jul 6, 2021
- 981
- 981
Thanks for your reply and I am glad your not angry or anything with what I wrote. I have thought about doing a koikatsu game a couple of times and have no idea how to make it or code such a game or even render the images, which is obviously very important. I even thought about joining a team as perhaps a script writer or proof reader, I guess they both go hand in hand. It would be my first time in this business at making a game, but nothing is for free, I mean time is valuable to me and everyone else, and it wouldn't be fair to me if I got nothing whilst they got all the money from their subscribers, which has completely put me off when I was cheekily asked to proof read for nothing a while ago. I chose not to, because of the amount of work they expected from me, all for nothing, so I decided not to bother.
I don't know how many people you have on your team or if you are alone in making this game, but if you want some help with proof reading or script writing let me know but I can't do it for free, it is obviously up to you, but it would make your game development a lot easier and you really could use a proof reader even if you feel you don't need one, all the main developers have them. Consider a good proof reader as quality control for your game. If not no problem, I really hope this game is a big hit for you, as I originally said this game is unique in a sea of clone games, just with different names etc. I am sure you will do great, and seriously, good luck!
- Apr 4, 2018
- 97
- 244
It is just me working on this. It’s not a full time job, but a hobby. I’m working on the transcript for v1.0 right now. Then after that, I’ll redo the prologue. It was just a test build. If I do need a professional or so, I’ll ask you…. maybe. I don’t know what the future has in store. Also, thanks
- Jun 11, 2021
- 4,521
- 7,513
exceptionally short demo. Basically 1 blowjob scene and a short intro dialog.
looks fine so far, I am looking forwards to more
looks fine so far, I am looking forwards to more