Pressure on people, people on streets~Under Pressure....
Pushing down on me
Pushing down on you
Pressure on people, people on streets~Under Pressure....
Pushing down on me
Pushing down on you
I get it, but I think imperfections make characters more realistic. Thanks for the suggestion neverthelessits just my thinking that's all. I dont want to force you.
I have rewritten the story. After reading the comments I realised I agree with a lot of criticism.Is this Chapter 1 even the same game as the intro? Seems like a very different MC and the story in the intro was not in this version.
The current story lacks sufficient choices to be rated excellent, but it doesn't make me cringe like the "intro" version did. Stay on this path and this will be a good game.
I'm no Morah Zamorah but if you'd like if you can send me the script for the game I could try and spice it up and help with the flow.I am well aware of problems with writing, I would really need some native speaker or simply someone with better english-fu to review the texts.
That would be awesome.I'm no Morah Zamorah but if you'd like if you can send me the script for the game I could try and spice it up and help with the flow.
It was said that she need therapist because she was chasing psycho that killed homeless ppl, also there is no need to explain smth that becomes obvious in 5 minutesYou need to add some type of setup explaining the backstory of the MC. The beginning of the game starts off with the MC talking to some guys about a book. You have no idea who these people are or what their relationship is to the MC. The MC mentions something about seeing a therapist, but gives no clear idea as to why she needed to see one. You have no idea that the MC has a boyfriend until she starts thinking about him while jogging.
I disagree. I think writing is much more effective when it jumps in in the middle of the action, then fills in the backstory as needed over the course of the plot. In this way, the player is immediately engaged, and the back story is much more interesting if it is explaining something the reader is wondering about, rather than being a "you will someday understand why you are reading this" approach.You need to add some type of setup explaining the backstory of the MC. The beginning of the game starts off with the MC talking to some guys about a book. You have no idea who these people are or what their relationship is to the MC. The MC mentions something about seeing a therapist, but gives no clear idea as to why she needed to see one. You have no idea that the MC has a boyfriend until she starts thinking about him while jogging.